a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
