Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
