guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
