She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
