There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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