Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
