We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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