I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
