and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
