I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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