One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
