Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
