Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
