I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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