It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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