Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
