a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
