and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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