I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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