My Higher Power is John Stamos
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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