Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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