Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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