I have demons in me.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Randomize
