I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
