you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
