The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
