pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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