I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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