plz talk dirty to me
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
