We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
