I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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