So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
