Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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