So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
