i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Actions speak louder than pants.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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