Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
