Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
