Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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