watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
