just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
