Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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