Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
