i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
