Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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