??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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