pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
