I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
