my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
