I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
