You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
