I wish my penis had an off switch
please come you make the beer taste better
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
